Peak Experience ~
In my early years of schooling I found math to be easy; just another part of the day when I learned fun, interesting facts. I excelled in the games we played and in the practical expressions of mathematics (counting money, for example). Looking back now I find that almost every time I grasped a concept in those classes, manipulatives were heavily involved (or just provided). Actually seeing and visualizing how an object may represent a numerical value was crucial for this kinesthetic learner. I need something that grounds theory to real-life; something I can hold in my hands. I also had a series of teachers who were kind, supportive, and encouraging. I was a pretty sensitive, anxious child, so to look back at myself and see a confident mathematician is a huge compliment to my teachers! Just goes to show you that getting to know your students' personalities thoroughly will come back to hug you in the end. Sadly, this peak experience was quite brief...
Nadir Experience ~
Oh where to begin....I suppose the big switch came when the very basics of Algebra were introduced in 4th or 5th grade. I have a very vivid memory of the teacher handing out laminated papers with scales drawn on them, and lots of chess pieces (pawns and bishops). I got excited for a (fleeting) moment since my best friend had just taught me to play chess and I wanted to impress my teacher with my mad skills (HA!). However, I'm not sure if the teacher neglected to introduce the manipulatives and their respective values thoroughly, but I had NO CLUE what they stood for (Can you explain to me how/why a pawn stands for -1???). It stayed that way for the entire unit because, try as I might, I couldn't 'balance' my stupid scale correctly with those manipulatives. These units yielded the worst grades I'd ever received in math thus far....little did I know that they would continue to drop.
Then (dun-dun-duuuunnn!), my Dad tried to help me with my homework when my grades suffered and it went horribly wrong...lets just say it's a miracle we still speak to each other. ("Why can't you get this?! It's EASY!" is not something you ask your child while they're crying over their homework.)
Later on, when I was failing 7th grade math, I was told by my female math teacher that, "It's ok you're not good at math, you're a girl." This statement, needless to say, did NOT improve my outlook on the subject. I figured I was screwed by my genetic imprint, so why set myself up for failure? I took regulars classes from then on, ending high school with Algebra II under my belt (barely). In college I attempted to take college level Algebra 3 TIMES before I succeeded. When I realized my colleagues excelled and surpassed me after 2/3 of the course had passed, I dropped the course. At that point my comprehension of the topics was reduced to almost nothing.
Turning Point ~
In college I made 2 discoveries about myself as a mathematician: First, I need someone who is removed from my situation to tutor me. They don't judge you outwardly, they're more patient, and they usually have experience explaining these sorts of topics to people. I went frequently! Secondly, I need a teacher who doesn't drone on and on about the same topic forever. Nothing will make my mind wander faster than a subject that bores me (sorry Teddy!) and a professor who can't move on to a new topic when it's been beaten to death already (it's dead, give it up!). I used to find my myself trying to catch up halfway through a new topic because I'd lost interest in the previous topic. My college Algebra professor, Steven Alwin, kept a perky pace (as did my mind), an enthusiastic attitude, and a supportive demeanor. I passed with an +B (and he made us really work for it!)!
Another turning point occurred when I took a course that focused on teaching mathematical strategies for elementary-aged children. I hadn't thought about the reasons why we perform the steps we do when we solve an equation; this course made me think past the "memorization", "don't ask questions", "this is THE way to solve these problems" methods I've always hated/resented I really appreciated a course where we were encouraged to explore different ways of reaching a solution, and then to accept all of them.
Other Experiences ~
Here's a funny one: I will NEVER forget my freshman year regular Algebra professor...wherever he is, I hope he knows I still feel pity for him. It was his first year of teaching, and they WALKED ALL OVER HIM! I sat in the front row, center, headphones on (to tune out my rude classmates), and lip-read my way through the course. I didn't do very well in that class either; it wasn't that he was a bad teacher, he just never stood a chance against 25 rowdy 14 year-olds. Poor guy. However, it was in this classroom that I made an important self discovery that wasn't strictly attached to mathematics: I will fight for my education (come on Cohort F, you saw what happened in our Reading class!). One day I'd had enough of the boy in the desk behind me screwing around, shouting at the top of his lungs. So, before I knew it I was on my feet, red-faced and shouting right back at him, "Sit down and shut the hell up!" Now, I'd never even spoken without raising my hand in that class -which probably added to my mystique and the internal struggle going on in this boy's mind (how crazy will this chick go on me if I don't shut up?)- because once he realized it was me shouting at him he actually shut up! It was the quietest class we'd ever had, and after that my professor would threaten to sick me on students who acted up. I don't think I knew how much I cared about my education until that moment, but it was a relief to know I'm a passionate fighter when it's threatened.
My Greatest Challenge ~
I believe conquering the phrase, "It's ok you're not good at math, you're a girl" was a huge challenge. It doesn't help that our society is so wiling to accept, even embrace, the "I'm no good at math" mentality. It took me 22 years to discover that I could do math MY WAY (I do what I want!); in a way that makes sense to me! I also see this as a challenge in the future because I do not believe that this mentality has diminished all these years later. It will fall on my shoulders and on the shoulders of my colleagues to stamp it out completely. I can only hope that our influence on students will be stronger than decades of excuses, billions of parents shrugging away low grades, and millions of students' wills that are crumbling in the face of mathematics. My resolve is strong; I'm a fighter, after all.
As a Special Education Teacher ~
I feel it's my responsibility as a human being to treat others equally, which really explains my attraction to Special Education. I am a ready and willing advocate for those who are not able to be one for themselves. I found that my will to receive my education extends to those around me. I have witnessed and encountered many "professionals" who have denied services to those who (legally) require them to succeed, and I have seen those individuals fail. My heart is pained by the memory of those experiences, so I set out to do it right. No one is perfect, but I believe I am receiving one of the best educations in the field of Special Education and I couldn't ask to be better prepared for what I will face. My knowledge will become others' power, and I find that extremely rewarding.
In regards to mathematics, I have seen too many children become discouraged because they cannot relate their knowledge to the various problem solving methods. It is exciting to think of passing on the tools they will need to succeed, to help them solve problems as they see fit.
It feels as though it's coming full circle for me; the struggling learner I was, the confident learner I've become, and the students who are struggling and are just waiting for a teacher like me (US!) to assist them on their journeys through mathematics.
